by Sarah Chevallier

Title: Holden Caulfield Age: 19 Occupation: Jobs include for phonies whom care about phony things like bills and food About Holden: merely interested in everyday dating, because everyones a fake except for myself (obviously). Sidebar, Im maybe not completely sure that phony means what I imagine it means.

Name: Heathcliff Get Older: OkCupid vs Bumble Virtually little idea. Occupation: Mergers (with my opposition families) also acquisitions (regarding wealth and happiness). About Heathcliff: Spent a long time cultivating that #RevengeBody also #RevengeWealth, nevertheless now Im trying to find a great, gullible lady to be in straight down with, ideally person who just is actually regarding my personal opposing forces, exactly who additionally only is actually partnered to my personal childhood pal. You are aware, for typical, totally perhaps not nefarious causes.

Perhaps not currently during my loft are restrained with an actual basketball and chain.

List: Odysseus get older: 38 Occupation: master of Ithaca who’s 100percent lacking a midlife situation About Odysseus: Im exactly about that wanderlust lifestyle: it’s regarding the quest, maybe not the location, you know? Specially when the resort is filled with responsibilities like governance, parenthood, and marriage to a woman who is obviously wiser than me as she evades for sale like sexual chattel for 10 years while I doof around banging random witches and blinding one-eyed leaders. Join me on quest, kid.

Identity: Edward Rochester Age: 43 Career: Wealthy widower. Yep, the old ball and string is dead. Real lifeless. Maybe not presently in my loft are controlled with a genuine baseball and cycle. About Edward: finding a younger woman who will confuse my brooding looks and condescending misanthropy for tragic torment, and essentially is into employer-employee roleplay. Incentive if she enjoys youngsters although not adequate that shes put off by how mean I am to my personal implemented girl.

Identity: winner Frankenstein Age: 34 Occupation: Doctor, scientist About Victor: interested in someone which shares my personal excitement the secrets of lives but could end up being upwards for a persistent quest to capture and kill my personal older roomie from my time during the institution of Ingolstadt. Feeling of adventure is essential, because we keep when it comes to North Pole in the future.

Term: Jay Gatsby era: How old do you need me to feel lol job: Influencer, Renaissance guy About Jay: Im weirdly like him or her, but like a fabulously wealthy and strange form of him that you will never have dumped for NO GODDAMN FACTOR to begin with, Daisy.

Mention: Rodion Raskolnikov years: 21 career: college student, Extraordinary guy who theoretically it would be completely ok if he only killed an old woman, because after all, hes extraordinary, you discover, merely theoretically please dont phone call which means that policeman which helps to keep snooping around. About Rodion: Im merely a better-than-regular man interested in an almost angelically good woman with a tragic facts who will with no good reason dedicate herself to my redemption and it is really into playing me personally reciting my personal half-baked approach 101 theories.

Label: Jake Barnes years: 31 career: Expat, alcoholic About Jake: ultra manly. Surely, certainly, definitely not impotent. Really into fishing and obsessing throughout the romantic and sexual selections of a lady who’s entirely simply a friend (however discover, definitely not an equal whos capable of making her very own alternatives, because of that really ladybrain). Above all: perhaps not Jewish.

Name: Hamlet Age: 26 job: Future master of Denmark About Hamlet: group try everything in my experience. Like in, I wont others until I split my children, company, and perhaps also my country aside centered on a conversation I got with my dads ghost exactly how it is extremely GROSS that mother and Uncle C do they, in which he consented thiss totally regular that Im very fixated on my mothers sexual life. My last gf gotnt that understanding, therefore Im looking for a person that will supporting myself in this difficult time and wont have a fucking cow each and every time I stab this lady dad and vocally neglect her.

List: Lucifer years: maybe not relevant profession: Ex-angel, Freelance opponent of Jesus and His development About Lucifer: I actually created online dating, thus thanks for visiting Hell.