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Dating for Dummies: “You don’t have gf? You will want to?”

A few, obviously bored stiff from their minds, stare intently at their smart phones in a Seoul cafe. The little talk, if you have any, is painful to eavesdrop on. Despite their matching clothing, ubiquitous few bands, and obligatory selfies together, they appear to have little in typical. Why the regularity of these pairings that are awkward the coffee stores of Seoul?

“You don’t have gf? Why don’t you?” is most likely probably the most common concern solitary guys have expected in Southern Korea. Dating is just a fairly simple endeavour and there’s no explanation to not ever get it done, as my South Korean housemate constantly reminds me personally. Dating Г  la corГ©enne happens to be paid off to checking items off an inventory, carrying out a textbook of do’s and don’ts. We offer you the lowdown:

The Introduction

The way that is easiest to meet up with females is through your buddy: he can expose you to some body he knows and put up a sogaeting — a pre-arranged date. Instead, you need to use a sogaeting software. As soon as both both you and your prospective girlfriend have actually agreed on a romantic date, make sure to dress to wow. Then head to Gangnam. Italian restaurants or VIPS would be the fare that is standard dates. If you should be unsure about how to speak to your date, don’t worry and simply prepare some topics ahead of time: web sites with guides and video lessons abound.

The Meetup

Whom foots the bill? Why you, needless to say. Her duties are restricted to spending money on after-dinner coffee, but only when the date goes well and you also go to Round Two. Also my gallant housemate admits to hating the obligatory dinner purchase but seems he “has no choice”. Following the date finishes and you also have actually appeared back, the ‘after-message’ to ensure interest is crucial. See right here for well-documented methods that are successful. But don’t forget that timing is important and that the message ought to be delivered within thirty minutes to an hour or so following the end regarding the date to make certain success that is optimal!

The Confession

Now if things are getting efficiently and also you have an interest in her own, make sure to formalise the offer by having a love ‘confession’. It doesn’t matter how long you have got spent together, aside from that which you have inked together, things aren’t settled until such time you occur rock both of you are ‘official’. Tell her “i prefer you” or bluntly ask, “Do you want to get constant?” If she hesitates to answer, merely get back to “The Introduction” part for this article and start all over again. Until your confession of true love is accepted by some body, it really is permissible to see one or more girl at the same time. It’s referred to as eojang gwalli — ‘managing your fish stock’.

But you have just entered into a relationship and it’s time to get serious if she accepts your heartfelt plea.


Success! At this point you have gf, a marker of or both. But this is simply not the finish. It is now time and energy to purchase matching shoes, few rings, exchange hourly texts, work with a ‘selfie-stick’, head to areas, browse coffee shops, look for pet cafés. In a nutshell, the options are endless.


Needless to say, once you are ‘going steady’, the cinema is essential. Markets have also popped up to improve and diversify the knowledge, with premium couple-seats being offered. Benefit from the connection with staring blankly at a display screen for just two hours, peppered every now and then with gruesome scenes that automatically prompt hand-clutching, which supplies her the reassurance that oppa has arrived.

Wedding Wedding Anniversaries

As the days slip by, you have to commemorate your own time together: 1 week, a month, 100 times… Such milestones confirm the healthier status of couplehood and produce a feeling of accomplishment.

100th present to girlfriend day. Guidance please

^^“Please can somebody advise me personally on which to provide my gf for the 100th time

We’re going to reach our 100 times together in a few days, however with just a few times to spare, I’m just starting to concern yourself with things to provide her .г…њ.г…Ў Letters and plants would be the norm, however if there’s other things besides that I’d appreciate some advice. just just What do other dudes often give on the day that is 100th?? By the way, she’s 24”. Supply: Daum tip forum


Ideally earlier than later on, you shall choose to be intimate. Don’t stress though. That’s all cared for besides. Love motels provide an all-inclusive intercourse package, perhaps not least the welcome pack containing condoms, lube, and desensitizing cream for those who are extremely eager. Without doubt, the couple that is savvy know which sites and apps to make use of for discount rates.

The Fact

My housemate is appropriate. With everything you need to do conveniently and simply presented for your needs, here really is not any reason to not ever date. (Love, nonetheless, is optional.) The pity to be branded a motaesollo — “a loner since conception” — is after all most useful prevented and exactly how safer to do this than by getting into a relationship? However in numerous situations, the things I see is a pricey ritualised performance of courtship: a prescribed group of inevitable activities marching toward the ultimate objective — marriage.

But until then, dating is anticipated if one really wants to avoid costs of impotence, deviance, or homosexuality. In reality, some south that is gay friends turn to putting on a ‘couple ring’ in the office to imagine they have been right plus in a relationship, because they should be. It really works like a dream, i will be told.

We often have the South Korean scene that is dating just like a Petri meal: an synthetic environment containing most of the right nutritional elements to market the fast cultivation of partners. Valentine’s Day, White Day, Pepero Day, the 100-day anniversary… All are grotesque reminders of just just how relationship in Southern Korea happens to be commodified in accordance with some ideal of Western middle-class romance, and repackaged right into a kitschy must-have product.

Are you aware that hopeless few in the cafe, they truly are both ‘in need’ of a relationship — and status and normalcy it confers. So they really date one another away from convenience, expectation, and maybe — within the best-case scenario — a way of measuring love. But irrespective, enclosed by such extreme pressures to conform to societal ‘norms’ and perform set functions, they turn society’s desires within their desires, and additionally they continue steadily to concur with the consumerism of love.

Raphael Rashid authored this informative article.

For lots more on dating tradition in Southern Korea, read:

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