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“Is My Body Being Colonized?”: A perspective on Interracial Dating

From frozen yogurt to Taylor Swift, whiteness has occupied all aspects of your life. So just how does it impact dating as someone of color?



Inside her 2016 stand-up special “Baby Cobra”, Ali Wong states, “Nothing makes me feel stronger than whenever a dude that is white my pussy.” For Wong, who’s half-Chinese and half-Vietnamese, it generates her feel she’s “absorbing all that entitlement and privilege.” Plus, it can help that the person is in this kind of susceptible place. “I’m like, she says‘ I could just crush your head at any moment, white man. “Colonize the colonizer, you understand!”

The bit called in your thoughts one thing we heard at an AGO occasion on “Love, Intercourse & Romance.” An asian woman asked, “How do I balance the fact that my boyfriend is white, and therefore each time we now have intercourse he could be colonizing my human body? throughout the Q&A percentage of a guest lecture” My first instinct would be to laugh, nevertheless the audience just murmured and slam-poetry snapped in contract.

If you ask me, the bigger characteristics behind that concern had been obvious sufficient. But I was thinking of colonization inside a relationship much more of a tale, nearer to good stand-up as opposed to a severe argument. It is here any merit for this concept? Can systems actually be colonized? Of course therefore, does which means that white individuals are colonizing their non-white lovers?

As explained in nationwide Geographic , colonization “occurs whenever one country subjugates another, conquering its populace and exploiting it, usually while forcing its own language and social values upon its individuals.” For examples, look up European history.

What exactly about systems? In a bit when it comes to Huffington Post, Vania Phiditis contends that women’s figures are colonized through capitalism and also the patriarchy, which feed them a few ideas which are counterintuitive and oppressive for their requirements and greatest interests. In solely ideological terms, a human body could be colonized similar to a country.


Now, whenever you use this type of thinking to a relationship that is interracial it does not precisely endure. At the least in a roundabout way. If you’re Black, native, or a Person of Colour (BIPOC), dating a white individual doesn’t suggest you’re immediately being subjugated to your forces of whiteness. You’re most likely simply dating somebody who likes quinoa and playing real criminal activity podcasts.

Exactly what Ali Wong’s stand-up and that random girl are becoming at is something that’s a tad bit more subdued, yet acutely felt: white privilege.

Once I ended up being 17, we began dating a guy I’d possessed a crush on for decades. Let’s call him F. I fell deeply in love with F cast in stone, the real method you are doing whenever it is very first time. It absolutely was the exact same on their end. We thought we had been planning to marry one another.

F is white. I’m Chinese. About four months into our relationship, we’d this discussion:

A screenshot of a discussion between me and my then-boyfriend. // THE UNDERGROUND

I’d like to express at least turned into a discussion about what not to say to your Asian girlfriend—or anyone, for that matter that we broke up after this exchange, or that it. Alternatively We always been frustrated with him, after which apologized for perhaps maybe maybe maybe not being more flattered. He stated he had been being silly, but reading it over now, it is actually not too funny.

Because of this white child, my non-whiteness had been exciting into the many way that is tokenizing. I became an accomplishment for him, option to “rebel” resistant to the homogeneity of their lineage. Which, if you’ll notice, he had been nevertheless pretty pleased with. Of course which wasn’t uncomfortable enough, he hit me personally using the all-too familiar babies that are mixed precious rhetoric. Lots of people of color will recognize this as a backhanded praise. “Don’t you understand that adding white to your battle causes it to be better?”

Once we mention white privilege , it is frequently to indicate exactly how it fuels and derives from systemic racism. You might think about white people having the ability to protest up against the authorities while unarmed Ebony individuals are shot by them. Or perhaps you might consider issues of discrimination when you look at the workplace and wide range inequality .

They are all important areas of white privilege to take into account. Into the context of relationships, but, white privilege could be more intimate and unsettling than one might think.

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